Saturday, April 11, 2020

It's me again...sort of...

While scrolling through google photos, in a vain effort to clear up space on my very old phone, so as to avoid purchasing a new phone, I came across a friendly little bubble titled 7 Years Ago. When I clicked on the bubble I was hit in the face with images from a past life. There was my beautiful, yet tiny, backyard. It was fresh with Spring. My new micro-farm was glowing from a freshly painted, lime-green raised bed, my bee hive was buzzing with the smell of honey. Flowers burst in every hue and my dogs rested lazily in the dappled shade.
     So what happened? First hint:  my oldest child will be 6 next month. Second hint:  For the past four months, I, along with my two children, husband, and cats, have lived in a two-bedroom apartment 1000 miles away from my dream garden that I worked for years to perfect. Sigh.

     So much change, so much darkness, so much accomplished, and this is where I am; this moment. I no longer
blog about homesteading, beekeeping, yeast growing, homebirthing, and gardening. I am in a moment that doesn't have those things. No yard, no normal-sized kitchen, no space for my sewing cabinet, and definitely no more babies. The dogs are gone, the bees were passed to someone else, and my ability to complete any single task within an amount of time measurable by an hourglass that would fit in a room has vanished.
     But what a time of discovery. What a new plethora of knowledge I have with me in this moment. How many tears shed and smiles flashed are impossible to tally. But they existed, and so they still exist in this moment.
     The forest is still foggy as it ever was, but I have adapted to the fog. I have grown to accept it, even embrace it. And here I sit with the confidence to pick a direction. To start a path and not worry about what creatures loom behind me.
     Who am I? I am a mother, a teacher, a wife, an herbalist, a nature lover, a child of Mother Earth, a cook, a seamstress, a gardener, an artist, a sister, a daughter, and most expectantly...a writer.

For those of you thinking I have suddenly come into an excess of time and just need to fill the void with a self-important task, know this:  I am not unemployed via quarantine. Despite local Stay-at-home orders, I currently work in childcare and am therefore still fully employed. I am thankful for my job and understand that many others are not in such a lucky situation. I appreciate your support and your time to read my work. Be strong and please, stay at home.

No comments:

Post a Comment