Monday, July 19, 2021

Temptation of a Break

Although it is not an "insecure writer" day, I needed to express my insecurities! 

I may have said I was too stubborn to quit, but having a break sure felt nice! I am openly admitting that I have done very little writing in the past few weeks. Here are some reasons...

  • I started a new project. The ideas flooded really quickly, I managed to create a basic outline, and I started drafting the first two tales. But the dreadful voice of the imposter crept into my mind, daring me to give up. Tales are quite different from modern stories and their obsession with "show, don't tell," and the demonization of the passive voice. How could I expect to successfully navigate this style?
  • My novel draft is being reviewed by my coach. He is making sure my notes and draft match, checking for disconnections between my intentions and my execution, and asking a few questions for clarification. I feel frozen until I see that final comment.
  • I have an overwhelming feeling that the novel is just too clean and dry. The plot is possibly too shallow and the story too short. There is much more I would like to tell, and I am unsure how to include it all. I want the reader to have a perfect picture of the cultures I created. I want them to see and smell each scene and relate to the struggles. What is that perfect formula for description? Did I miss it? Should the villain be more villain-y? Did I skip the most important scenes? The ones that would really make the reader angry at the "bad guy?"

  • I feel like the more time I spend away from the story, the more ideas I develop for making it better. But I also feel like that time spent away clouds my perspective a little. There is too much to fit in my head at once. A huge part of me wants to put this manuscript aside, and try something different as my "debut novel." I love this story so much. I do not want to see it rushed or incomplete. It deserves a better writer than the one I am right now.
Luckily, I am smart enough to know most of this is just insecurity. But I am also wise enough to know insecurities grow from the roots of reality. These are warnings—signs of possible weaknesses to be addressed. The expertise and multiple perspectives of a critique group might be the solution, but I have no idea how to find an effective one. Maybe that should be my next step. 

Hopefully, I will be inspired to write so much this week I will have a more positive post to share with you! Until next time, tout le bonheur du monde!

Sidenote:  Another reason I did not write much...
I rented a copy of The Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy and reading it has made me furious. The short stories inside infuriate me so much I kept putting the book down. These were selected from thousands of stories. I wanted to look up to them and feel inspired by their classification as the best. But, the first story rambled on and on and on and on. After four attempts, I made it through and it just ended. The story finally reached the moment of decision, the moment of discovery, except the character did not reveal the discovery or make the decision!  The next one was almost the same! Backstory, first-person rambling, tons of incomplete sentences, big mystery about the "chosen one," then POOF! Story over. The last words were literally:  "You'll learn soon enough, Krit. For now, it's enough to know that they're the Bad Guys." And he's gone. No! No, I will not learn soon enough, because you stopped writing! And the third story was awesome! That is where I stopped. I was afraid to ruin the awesomeness. I did not hate any of these stories. They were each well-written and engaging. However, it was disheartening to read winning entries that fail to meet basic submission guidelines (like having a complete story with an ending). I would love to submit my own stories, but those doors are closed right now and I await my chance with impatience. Anyways, expect a full review later this month!

12 comments:

  1. It sounds like you need to hear back from your coach before you go back to your current manuscript. Breaks can be a good time to get perspective on our writing. And sometimes other things in life get in the way.

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    1. You're right. It is so hard to be patient, though.

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  2. When you hear back from your coach, you'll have a ton of new ideas and he will suggest many as well. You will be able to tackle it and make it better. Have faith!

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  3. Hari OM
    I hear all these 'gripes' and know them well... you at least are still trying. I rather think I may have left so long a break that I forgot why I started in the first place! Keep at it Steph!!! YAM xx

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    1. Thank you! I am sure you will get it back. You have so much to share with the world!

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  4. So why does the complete draft have to match your notes? Mine novel is diverging somewhat but still works. I guess that is the pantser in me.

    As for setting your novel aside, listen to that inner voice. Let your story tell you what it needs. BUT, do NOT listen to the gremlins infecting your thoughts. You are a very talented writer. You got this.

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    1. I think I did too much pantsing and that might be the issue. It's those moral clashes that seem to be kind of hazy... time will tell!

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  5. You guys are the absolute best! I love your positive vibes!

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  6. Reading your post today was like finding a kindred spirit unexpectedly and very, very timely.

    Thank you for sharing all your doubts and insecurities.

    I have no authority to say this but I'll say it anyway: only a good writer (in skill and in intention) thinks like you do.

    So, keep at it and yes, breaks are an important part of thriving:) At least, in my world.

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    1. I am so glad you found something unexpected! It is good to feel that connection. Thank you for the wonderful words!

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  7. I guess it will surely fall in place. Keep working on it.

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