Tuesday, October 19, 2021

The Scream is Silent

Last WEP I typed up a very personal piece and at the last minute decided not to participate. I had a lot going on and sharing my insides did not feel comfortable. For whatever reason, the same thing is still on my mind. Of course, it is. It is life! I am still not ready to share the other piece, but I could not miss out again just because I was too afraid. After all, this is the time of year to face one's fears.

So here is a poem I wrote. It touches on the same subject. Maybe you will feel the emotion and maybe you will understand my words before I explain them. (And maybe it has been too long since I wrote poetry and I have no idea what I'm doing) ;) 

To see other entries in this month's WEP, click the badge above. Read them all, you will be glad you did!


"The Scream is Silent"

Scream.

Why did he do that?
What is his problem?
What is wrong with him?
Haven't you taught him?

Why do you do that?
Why can’t you listen?
Focus, look at me?
Look at me.
Why did you…
Look at me.
What happened?
Tell me what happened.
Look at me.
That doesn’t make sense.
What did you do?

Look at that!
I can’t believe he is so smart.
You’re such a great mom.
How did he learn that?
Where did he learn that?

Awesome job, you did great.
I love what you did.
That looks so nice.
Fantastic work, kiddo.

But not that.
Why does he do that?
Oh, that’s why.

Anger
Pushing
Spitting
Kicking
Name-calling
Screaming

Drawing
Painting
Sewing
Building
Designing
Creating

Sighing, not screaming.
Masking.
The scream is silent.

WC:  127 words


Autism Acceptance because Awareness is not enough. 

42 comments:

  1. Hari OM
    I read 'challenge' and that is all the need be said... YAM xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't think masking a child will stop the screaming though. Not that I've tried! Glad you participated this time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 😂 likely not! But masking is what keeps me from screaming. (It's the type of masking that got me through life long before masks were a thing, lol.)

      Delete
  3. So many meanings to masking!
    Autism can be a challenging diagnosis. Sending hugs your way and hopes things improve. Thank you for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Challenging is the right word. Like many things in life, gifts and trials arrive together.

      Delete
  4. Powerful insight into the world of autism and coping mechanisms! It must be incredibly difficult.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The most difficult part is putting it in the open. Thank you for your kind words!

      Delete
  5. Powerful. And heart rending. Don't we all wear masks (at least some of the time). And sadly don't we all let other people's criticisms peel them away.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes and yes! I cannot imagine living without a mask.

      Delete
  6. Mental illness is hard to live with: in your loved ones and in yourself. Acceptance helps. The knowledge that it is nobody's fault helps too. Just chemicals in the brain rioting. Nobody's to blame. We just go on, one step at a time.
    Great entry, Steph.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I love the way you put that. It is truly acceptance to realize there is nothing "wrong."

      Delete
  7. Steph, your poem is very powerful, goes straight to the heart. The difficulty of living with autism in so few words. Emotions run high. I'm struck by your use of 'masking'. We all wear masks of one sort or the other. Great entry. Personal pieces are often the most effective, even though difficult to share.

    ReplyDelete
  8. My heart went out to this imaginary person who is suffering through much pain. We need to open our eyes to what reality is really like and hear the silent screams of many.
    Shalom aleichem

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. I think we all have silent screams inside that we do not let out. Thank you.

      Delete
  9. Hi Steph - like the others I feel for you ... masking is one way we cope - but for ever and a day - it's not possible, even with a silent scream. A challenge to our being ... all the best to you - Hilary

    ReplyDelete
  10. So sorry for your sorrow, but by sharing you touch so many. I can not imagine your angst, but your writing gives me an understanding. Beautifully done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I am glad the words hold meaning for you.

      Delete
  11. I am so sorry for what you're going through. Too many screams are silent and remain unheard. Your poem is powerful and moving. I agree with Denise that autobiographical, emotional pieces are often the most moving though not as easily shared as purely fictional ones. Thank you for this entry. All the very best to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I never intended this platform to be personal at all, but writing comes from the inside, and it reveals a lot about us. I am glad I shared with you all.

      Delete
  12. Thank you Steph for sharing your feelings in this poignant poem. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dear Miss Steph,
    I’m so glad you found the courage to write this poem. Expressing your feelings and allowing others to hear your silent scream isn’t easy, but it is a helpful means of coping with life’s difficulties. Thank you for sharing. I care.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I know that sharing this out loud has helped me dive deeper into acceptance.

      Delete
  14. Autism can be difficult in so many ways. I hope you will eventually feel comfortable sharing your other piece, and I'm glad you chose to share this one. You evoke so much in so few words.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I hope so too. I appreciate all the kind words!

      Delete
  15. It is never easy to share personal pieces, but you have done it so beautifully! Tight hugs to you <3

    ReplyDelete
  16. A mother's patience is certainly their virtue. LOVE does conquer so much, but not all. Any kind of outlet is necessary to cope with such a challenge. I was always told that God only gives us what we can handle. With an autistic or any handicapped child, they are often put on this earth given to a parent who has the strength to give this child's life meaning. Parents often learn amazing lessons from these special children. Keep breathing and he will find a way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your words! I want to be perfect and strong and protective and in the end, it is not all up to me. I have learned this and so much more.

      Delete
  17. I recognized the autism-spectrum behaviors in the poem, and send you my best wishes for making it through. I can only say this, out of my own experience with a son who is mildly Aspergers: you'll always second-guess what you could have done. Don't beat yourself up over any of it. We do the best we can.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is brave and vulnerable work. Thank you so much for sharing, Steph--it could not have been easy. It is a privilege to read it.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I think we all want to yell that at our kids. I can't judge the poetry aspect, but I like it.
    Nancy

    ReplyDelete
  20. I knew where you were going with this from the first stanza. My step-brother is autistic and he faces so much judgement and stigma. It is sad that we still teach kids to push down their emotions in order to be "good" and that parents can feel like they've failed if their child has a public tantrum. I wish their was more support and less judgement. Thank you for sharing this.

    ReplyDelete
  21. There is a boy in the house diagonally behind me who is probably on the spectrum somewhere. I can only tell by the reaction of his parents. It must be hell for them, and the constantly wearing down of patience... Beautifully written, Steph.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Things close to your heart are difficult to set free for public view. Glad you chose to set some of that fear aside and enter this month. Kuddos and blame are two sides of the Mom coin, aren't they? Great contribution to October's WEP.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I felt the pain and hopelessness of the situation through your poem. I'm glad you shared it with us despite your misgivings. It is so hard to put your personal life out there. Thank you for trusting us.

    ReplyDelete