As a member of the Insecure Writer Support Group, I feel the need to share a moment of insecurity. I have found myself in a rather gloomy state, and no idea why. I do not particularly feel sad or depressed, but more like how one would feel after falling off a bike and no one saw it happen. That moment after you get a shock and some pain and have absolutely no one to share the experience with.
The irony in this is I recently had a pleasant meal at a new friend's house. Of course, my husband insisted we take our kids, and that was as expected. But it is strange to me that after a moment of socializing I would feel a touch "alone" the following day.
Was it simply a reminder that I was capable of meeting new people but terrible at it? A reminder that life is rather repetitive and simple (which is really just fine with me!)? My social anxiety is not crippling, but it does weigh heavily on me and perhaps this is just the first time I have had it in a while. Could it be a drop after adrenaline?
Why am I putting this out there. Because I felt insecure and I wanted to express the fact that it is okay. So I feel blue, so what? I will just go with it. I'm planning my son's birthday adventure (I don't do parties...maybe next year), signing him up for performing arts lessons, my daughter is using the potty without being prompted, I will finally get to attend a Con this summer, my first story was just published, my novel edits are moving along smoothly, the engineer and contractor are meeting to set up a timeline for our house, and I feel a little sad. No biggie.
Strangely my first thought was, What did I eat? Then I decided I should probably just meditate. Now, I am thinking it is time to hit the gym and finish with some yoga.
I have become increasingly aware of the direct connection between physical and mental state, so I know it is time to do some self-love. I spent the entire day outside yesterday, editing under an umbrella. Maybe I just need some movement to go with that nature. I wish there was a good hiking trail to do some walking meditation. As much as I love exercising, the gym comes with a level of anxiety that is counterproductive.
What do you do when you feel a bit insecure? Do you ever get a strange moment of "slowness" when you feel a little down even though you have plenty going on?
Writing meditation is also a trick of mine, but I did not feel like finding my old journal. This seemed like an okay place to get out some words. Thanks for your visit!
Currently editing scene 9 of 35.
Current word count: 72872
Goal: Edit 4 scenes per week, including initial edits to identify issues with arcs, sequencing, action, and dialogue.
Tea: Sweet & Spicy (Original Decaf)